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Guy frequently keeps this blog updated with thoughts, challenges, interviews and more!

Sad news, but be happy

My father Roger Windsor died on Tuesday 22nd, at home. Sometime in the night- so peacefully that my mum didn’t wake up. He was 83, and lived to see seven grandchildren. Here he is on his 83rd birthday.

Losing a parent at the age of 8 is a tragedy. At 48, it’s a privilege. But still very distressing, very sad.

He left clear instructions for his funeral though, which included the following:

“NO black ties. I have enjoyed my life- be happy for me.”

He had many fine qualities. If there were a prize for best bedtime story reader ever, he’d be a strong contender. He did all the voices. His kids birthday party treasure hunts were legendary. And he spent his entire working life helping people, mostly in the developing world. Perhaps his defining feature was stubbornness, but matched by a profound integrity. Let me tell you a story:

We were on holiday in Aruba (stopping off to or from Peru, where we lived at the time). He insisted I have a go at wind surfing, because I’d done it a couple of times at school some years before.

Just fyi: windsurfing on a reservoir in England as part of a school trip is not like windsurfing in the sea with no supervision.

Before very long, I was drifting helplessly out into the blue, waving frantically for rescue. Some kind American tourists in a tiny motorboat tried to help, and managed to slice up the sail with their propellor.

I was eventually rescued by the chap who ran the board hire place. When he saw the sail he told my dad he’d have to pay for it. But as far as dad could see, their insurance should cover it, and he was being ripped off. Dad was never one to back down, so we eventually walked away with the owner still yelling at us.

Back at the hotel, dad mentioned this to the manager, who told him that actually, on Aruba, the norm was for the renter to take responsibility for that kind of damage. The owner’s insurance wouldn’t cover it.

So we went back to the hire place. The man was astonished to see us back, but my dad apologised, and handed over the cash.

I can’t think of a single example of dad failing to do what he thought was the right thing.

He wasn’t always right, of course. But he was always true.

He didn’t have to understand what I was doing to support it. When I wanted to do English at University, instead of biology, he was baffled, but supportive. When I quit cabinetmaking to teach swordsmanship full time, he was even more baffled, but supportive. To the end I don’t think he ever quite got what the whole sword thing was about- but he didn’t need to, to be very proud of me. I think that’s extraordinary, and I try to model the same for my kids.

We knew the end was coming. He was taken ill at the end of October, and spent a few weeks in hospital while they figured out that they couldn’t fix it. Being a veterinarian he knew the limits of medical science and understood exactly what was going to happen. No bluster, no demanding miracles, no denial, just facing death head-on. Fearless.

And so he came home and spent his last week at home with family, gently fading away.

You may have come across his memoirs, The Veterinary Detectives. Vol. 1: More Sherlock Holmes than James Herriot, and volume 2: A Vet in Peru. He had just about completed volume 3 A Vet for all Regions  before he got ill, and he asked me to get it out into the world, so you can expect it in 2023.

As his memoirs attest he lived a full and interesting life and made legions of friends all over the world. I'll miss him horribly, of course. But no regrets.

I'm sure you have an opinion: do share!

20 Responses

  1. Guy,
    I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your father was a great man and a huge influence in your life. May God continue to remind you of the fond memories of your father. My condolences to you and your family.

  2. Guy we were so sorry to get the news about your father. He and your Mother were wonderful and fun friends of ours. I became worried after we didn’t receive a Christmas card last year, we always felt attached when we received it. It has been years since we were together in Nairobi and only a couple of get togethers after, but we still feel like he and your Mother were part of our family. He was so British which was fantastic. So often I think about the last time they visited us, we sat in our backyard and were surrounded by humming birds, being into birds and everything else, he was so excited to see them. I hope your Mother is well, please give her our love. Thank you so much for contacting Lisa.

  3. Sorry to hear of your profound loss Guy – a fascinating man – strength to you and your mother and extended friends n fam

  4. Sorry to hear about your loss Guy – sincere condolences. 83 is a very respectable innings. He sounds like he was a very positive and well-balanced person.
    Very Best Regards
    Brian

  5. My dad passed a few years ago, and giving his eulogy was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Your post speaks well of a good man, and I think that is a compliment to your father.

  6. Our condoleances, Guy.
    Our loved ones live on in our memories – we are happy to hear that you have many warm stories and moments to keep with you.
    We wish you and your family all the best in this sad time.

  7. Guy –

    I was lucky enough to have a very similar relationship with my father. He never really understood my involvement with the SCA, but watched our pets or sometimes children when we went off to play. He got it in the end, after attending a coronation, but the unconditional acceptance and support before that showed his (and my mother’s) character the best.

    My sincere condolences.

    — Clayton —

  8. Condolences, Guy. Take care of yourself. No matter your age, it’s hard to lose a parent.
    It sounds like he was a wonderful person.

  9. My deepest sympathies Guy. You honour your father and a life well lived with your words. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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